I. Am. Anxious. Nervous. Excited. Scared. I can hardly fathom what is in store for me. Why, you ask? I am departing in less than two days to Wittenberg, Germany, to study abroad for just shy of three months, and I don’t know what to expect.
For the past year or so, meetings have taken place on Thursday mornings to prepare me, as well as twelve fellow students, for this experience, and yet, I do not feel knowledgeable in the slightest about what awaits me. I guess I shall find out soon enough, no?
That year has past, and all that awaits is a very minuscule two days.
For the past three months, I have been living in good ol’ Rock Island by Augie and, in chatting away with friends new and old alike, found myself discussing this up-and-coming term. No matter how much I spoke of it, no matter how many people I’ve told, and no matter how fast time flew by, I continued to refer to it as a future endeavor. I spoke of it almost as though it weren’t really going to happen.
Have I mentioned I’m now only two days away?
For the past week, I have been living in my new Swanson Apartment! My room is set, the apartment is wonderful, and the roomies are great. Life couldn’t get better. Then I began to realize that the week in progress was simply a teaser (a way to say, “Here, look at all of these awesome things in your awesome life with these awesome people. Now let’s rip them away from you and watch you squirm as your emotional roller coaster ride unfolds. Enjoy!”) I spent the week in a continuous world of “Goodbye.” If only I had a penny for every time I said it within the past week…
The goodbyes were the hardest by far. The irony of the situation blanketed my every moments at school; I met up with people just to say goodbye. Depressing at it finest.
Seriously, people, two days.
For the past eight hours I have been in my hometown in Galesburg. Whereas all of my time left here in the states has been almost a fairy tale thus far, it has officially begun to sink into the pits of my stomach and make me physically (to say it perfectly) “weirded out.” This isn’t a sick feeling but more of an, “Oh, crap” kind of situation. This feeling is similar to the one you get when you wake up late and realize you forgot to set your alarm clock the night before. Suddenly the blood falls from your face, your sleepy haze is unpleasantly and quickly sobered up, and the heart starts to pump as you race around your room looking for clean underwear. I am now realizing all of the tiny things left to accomplish in preparation. To make this situation worse, I have one essay yet to read before I go. My world is spinning.
For the next day I will be saying my last goodbyes and probably letting my emotional roller coaster hit its peak. This should be fun. I will try to hold on to my sanity. By the way, did you know people spell goodbye as both “goodbye” and “good-bye?” CRAZY! (That is the perfect example of my brain frying during this specific moment in time). Finally, I shall board a plane and step foot on a similar kind of soil in a different kind of way.
Here’s to keeping my fingers crossed for the next two days.
Don’t let me fool you either! This may sound horrific and pessimistic, but I assure you it is not! These are the simple twisted jitters one is privy to when they attend something huge. I’m positive everyone has shared these similar feelings, and with this I must say, that I know I will have the time of times of my life while abroad. My biggest concern will be trying to savor the experience while it lasts. Otherwise, before even I know it, the time will pass as though it never even happened, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is something I refuse to let happen.
By the way, this entry is dedicated to all of my awesome friends and family. Everyone has wished nothing but the best for me, and I truly cannot express enough my deep appreciation for everything said and done. It is at moments like these that I realize, I have some pretty awesome friends in my life, and they’ve all got my back. Now I must sign off, before I start to bawl, which I never do. (And that people, is saying something).