A window inside life at Augustana College

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April is National Poetry Month, so read or write a poem. Go check out SAGA magazine if you haven’t either. Alli Petrassi, Hannah Bohn and the staff worked real hard on it.

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This is a blog about telling the truth. Tweet that.

What’s your favorite toaster strudel? Quickly.

Not quick enough.

Today I tried talking to my household appliances. Nobody knew the magic word and nobody felt like dancing, I simply sat in silence throwing my tennis ball to the fridge.

There is only so many times you can throw a toaster against the wall before you realize it’s not going to fight back.

Do you ever talk to yourself and feel lonely so you decide to take an imaginary family of five from a small town in North Dakota called, Elijah Woods. They were a nice family. A college prospect daughter, father, mother, and two twin brothers conjoined at the idea of being related to one another. They were adopted. The dad was a little overbearing, Loving with good intentions but tragically missing out on what his daughter wanted. He was pushing his daughter to major in Art and Creative Writing and be a cross between Lindsay Lohan and Prince. Her heart is steering her in another direction. A direction her father’s mustache simply cannot abide by. She wants to be a doctor and the mother was quite supportive. I lost the twins somewhere in between looking at a butterfly and trying to pick gum off my shoes. I think both them are around the campus somewhere. If you seem them bring them back to their parents or place them on the steps of Swanson for the buses to take around.

The family was quite intrigued by our system of government on the campus. They were very interested in knowing about our President Bahls. I took them to the basement of Old Main (The new hotness version), where it is written in the ancient scrolls the story of President Bahls. These ancient scrolls can only be attained by making famed genius and circus strongman and current Augustana professor Mcdowell say his name backwards. By doing so he will return to the fifth dimension, rendering him unable to take any of your gold.imgsize

 

 

President Bahls was born President Bahls, his age and location are unknown. As someone who was named President, his job outlook was pretty limited. His first taste of success was when he ran against Julian Bannon for Presidency of the Lil’ Hells Angels Trike gang. Democracy reigned supreme when he beat him in a foot race and gave Julian a wet willy. The Lil’ Hells Angels had a stranglehold on the west coast Pog ring for years.
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Before coming to Augustana, President Bahls made sure that Earth would not fall to the armies of Outworld. He won 10 victories in Mortal Kombat. Saving quite a good amount of money on his car insurance during the process. His painting currently hangs in the Carver weight room for many an Augustana student to study the physique of a champion.

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They say the rest of his story can be read in a “resume” on the Augustana website. I choose to ignore any of that fancy science stuff and believe in the truth.

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