A window inside life at Augustana College

Wrestlers Make Excellent Babysitters: A Short Factoid

Many people assume that Augustana wrestling coach Eric Juergens learned to wrestle by growing up in the hot bed of Iowa. They say that Dan Gable, Jim Zalesky, and the Brands brothers sharpened him into a bear ninja during his time as a Hawkeye.

Pictured Above: Winning

Pictured Above: Winning

While this is true, there is however a hidden truth. During his summers in college he spent time under the tutelage of a master luchador. It was on the wrestling circuit in Mexico that Coach Juergens learned how to truly wrestle.  Maybe it was his thirst for adventure, maybe it was his need to be the best. I think it was because he had a score to settle with Macho Man Randy Savage.

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

I read about this secret history in a five page book I wrote titled Eric Juergens: An Unauthorized Biography. It is one hundred and fourteen percent fact. If you disagree I will fight you, unless you are bigger than me.  Also tougher, better looking, smarter, or Gene Wilder. Those are my only stipulations to not fighting.

Macho Man Randy Savage ransacked the village Coach Juergens lived in and much like William Wallace, Juergens took up arms and refused to let the Tyranny of the NWO (New World Order) dictate his life. Sensing that Hulk Hogan and the rest of the NWO had aims to take over the world, Dan Gable sent Eric Juergens to  a hidden village in Mexico. It resembles the It’s a Small World ride at Disneyland. This village is so hidden they don’t even have a Mcdonalds or Starbucks. After a climactic battle at WrestleMania where Randy Savage was repeatedly given the chair the princess was saved or something.

I played a lot of Zelda over fall break so I’m a little confused about the story to be honest. Anyways, King Juergens currently rules upon his Iron Throne in King’s Landing, where he coaches the Augustana Wrestling team. This is all for your knowledge. If you happen to see him make sure you thank him for all that he did to save us during the NWO uprising and also for making sure Thomas Reyhons quit the Jonas Brothers.

Eric Juergens' Luchador Teacher While he  Stayed at a South of the Border South of the Border.

Eric Juergens’ Luchador teacher While he Stayed at an On The the Border restaurant South of the Border.

One Response to “Wrestlers Make Excellent Babysitters: A Short Factoid”

  1. Long Live Coach Juergens !!

    Simply Amazing Gary ! Thanks for enlightening the masses with this.
    I can look back now with a better perspective of our “Bonding” while watching the “Real Wrestling” LOL

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