A window inside life at Augustana College

Augustana People: Connor “Not Alex Bowers” Cummings

Because I believe in equality and that Elvis is currently living in Milwaukee, I wanted to gain further insight into the male psyche at Augustana. The mind of an Augustana man is one of great complication. Our previous subject of interrogation was our marvelous Kwilli (holla). This time it is the magnanimous Connor Cummings. This Irish-American Youtube star is a welcome friend in any circle with his riotous laughter and hatred of the mundane. He is the epitome of work hard and then play hard as I have seen him work tirelessly on homework and in the wrestling room, while also going bonkers when it’s time to have fun.

Without Further Chris Ledoux,

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Connor Cummings

1.What is your major and why?

“History, I want to be a teacher so I can berate little kids. It’s about breaking them down and Building character.”

2. Why did you choose Augie?

“I chose Augie because Eric Juergens eats glass for breakfast, and he said he can teach me to do the same.”

3. Rumor has it that Augustana wrestling coach Eric Juergens isn’t allowed to go diving in the Pacific ocean after eating a whole school of tuna by himself. Also authorities said he was caught painting a Great White shark pink  then proceeding to Yo Mama joke it to death. Any truth to these rumors?

“I’m not allowed to disclose that information.”

4. What is your go to microwave food?

“lead based paint chips.” (New from Doritos if you’re tired of Cool Ranch)

5.What theme song from the show Friends is your favorite to clap to?

“Jennifer Aniston is the only reason I watched that show.”

6. What is your ancestral heritage?

“Irish, American and wrestler” (Just like Danny Devito)

7. Was prom fun for you?

“I had a glorious time with my girlfraaaan Erin Usher. What a honey, may get the stones to ask her out one day.”

8. How effective do you think making a javelin out of Shake-weights will be?

“I like your ingenuity but your physics may need some work.”

9. What is a Spork doing on my plate?

“Sporks are an abomination to the eating utensil family. its similar to a toad monkey.”

10.Surprise! I’m French!

“Whoa! don’t you ever sneak up on a man who has been in a chemical fire.”

11. What sound do you think a wild Mr. T makes when it hears “Eye of the Tiger”?

“Mr. T doesn’t make a sound when “eye of the tiger” plays fool. Mr. T is the eye of the tiger. Everyone knows that.

(I Pity Myself)

12.What do you hope to accomplish this year academically and athletically?

” Trying to be an all American and just pass my classes brother.” (It’ll be like Hulkmania runnin’ wild)

13.How excited are you to live in Zander?

“If you have ever seen a baby seal born and held it in your arms, then you’d know how I feel.”

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14. Thomas Reyhons, believe the hype? Is he really that good on the mic as a rapper?

“Thomas Reyhons wit that wont quit. The skills that thrills.  He is the proud owner of a body of a Greek god. The man can do what ever the Funk & Wagnalls he pleases. #ricorolls #tomscrabshack” (I hope my son is like good old Tom, always rico rolling)

15. Any advice for kids coming to Augie?

“Stay on your books, let loose, have a good time, don’t be scared to meet new people…..and of course, come to the wrestler house.”  (Amen Bromigo)

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It’s almost time for another school year meaning new things to learn, things to accomplish,  shenanigans to be had. I’ll see you soon Illinois. The mission has started.

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One Response to “Augustana People: Connor “Not Alex Bowers” Cummings”

  1. Wow! Gerald! You’ve done it again and this time with the help of WWE Star Sheamus! My kids love seeing the Celtic Warrior in the ring. So glad to hear you’re enjoying your time in this state. Very proud to know a Brazilian Sea Monkey!

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