A window inside life at Augustana College

Frank Kalble Had Another Fish Die This Week, May He R.I.P. With Pac and Biggie

I stared into the mirror today with the kind of look that only comes along when you lose your puppy. Not just any puppy, but one you stole from your rich friend because your parents said it’s a big “responsibility”.

Perhaps you’re wondering why I’m such a sad Samantha.

Here are Tres (that’s english for multiple Tre) reasons why I should be more depressed than Prince Hamlet watching a Lifetime movie.

1. I was playing UNO in my room on 1J and lost to myself. I also changed the rules and stopped playing with cards and substituted putting my fingers into a doberman’s mouth. I got to UNO but then that rascal Tim Maroder came in and caught me! I was so close!

2.I adopted four stray hamsters and guinea pigs that were walking the streets of Rock Island. At first our relationship was as smooth as a slip-n-slide covered in oil but unfortunately friction developed. Nobody prepares you for the deep blow of learning guinea pigs can’t talk. They also can’t prepare you for them wanting to pursue careers in art instead of being doctors. I felt like all those years of me pushing them to be the best pet doctors was completely wasted. For shame.

I have to play Peruvian Pan Flute Music to keep them out of my kitchen.

3.  Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t want to go on a date with me.

 

I wish this was a stock photo but this is just what Brett Johnson looks like when he gets upset about me eating his fruit snacks.

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