Around this time last year I hadn’t the faintest idea what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t know where I wanted to go to school. I didn’t know what I wanted to study. I didn’t know how to finish the sentence: “when I grow up I want to…”
I’ve always been an indecisive person and even choosing which schools to apply to was a challenge for me. I narrowed it down to five. Even though it would have been devastating to get rejected, I secretly hoped to not get accepted everywhere so that my choice would be made for me. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
And so I spent months making lists and running hypothetical situations in my mind. What would happen if I went to this school and majored in this. Or what if I went to that school and majored in this other thing. As a control freak, not knowing my futures plans caused me a lot of unneeded anxiety and stress.
These feelings were heightened by being constantly asked about my future plans by everybody from family, friends, teachers, to people in the grocery line (one of the benefits of living in a small town). I know they all meant well but not being able to have a secure answer to the “what are you doing after high school?” questions was stressful.
Another source of this stress came from my classmates who all seemed to have already figured their entire life out. They talked confidently about their future plans and made me extremely jealous in the process.
After months of agonizingly going back and forth between different choices, I had finally made a decision. I was going to Augustana college and studying neuroscience! Being able to finally have an answer to all the questions and a future plan made me feel great relief.
I spent a lot of the summer anxiously thinking about my decision, worried I’d made the wrong one. But after being here for almost two whole terms, I can honestly say I made the right choice. I have changed my mind about my major and I still don’t really know what I want to end up doing with the rest of my life (hell, I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend), but I’m okay with that. Right now, I’m just enjoying my college experience, taking life one step-at-a-time, and not stressing the little things.
Posted on January 19th, 2012 by Vanessa Reyes
Filed under: Uncheck This