A window inside life at Augustana College

Hello, my name is Gary Miller and I am currently a Sophomore at scenic and tree-filled Augustana College. I am a Colorado native who currently lives in downtown Denver and is a proud graduate of Columbine High School. I am an English-Creative Writing major with a Theatre minor, I also enjoy coloring outside the lines in the coloring books my professors give me here. I love being involved with Augustana football, wrestling, and Phi Omega Phi. If you take time to read my blog I can’t guarantee you will become smarter or know how to do Kung Fu like the Matrix, but you and I can be e-friends (as the kids call it). Most importantly — Go Vikings!

How To Get a Girl To Like You* In Really Confusing, Convoluted Steps

So I was asked recently by one of my friends, “Gary, can I call you Gary?” I replied, “I prefer Thomas the Enke Engine or Colby JackCheese” So my friend squeaks, “Ok, man how you gon’ get a girl to go to a formal with you?” With great knowledge and wisdom I replied to that […]

The Easter Bunny is a Time Traveling Warlock

    For Easter this year I took a sojourn with Conner Murray to a land called “Frake Farms” (Where they grow corn . . . on the cob) home to a creature known as Kyle Frake. The road trip was filled with solid music, such as that hot new joint by that dude Jimmy […]

10 True Things To Tell Recruits When They Visit Augustana

10. Spiders with knowledge of my credit score exist. If I’ve learned anything from watching television it’s that credit scores are supposed to be feared or something. 9.  Kyle Frake has the 8th Harry Potter book signed by J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the  Nagging Red-head Weasley and his Two Squib Kids 8. The Augustana Wrestling team […]

Frank Kalble Had Another Fish Die This Week, May He R.I.P. With Pac and Biggie

I stared into the mirror today with the kind of look that only comes along when you lose your puppy. Not just any puppy, but one you stole from your rich friend because your parents said it’s a big “responsibility”. Perhaps you’re wondering why I’m such a sad Samantha. Here are Tres (that’s english for […]

I Became a Big Boy Today and Pampers Didn’t Even Notice

Spring break 2013 in Rock Island has been a learning experience thus far. I feel like the narrator in a growing up tale written by Stephen King’s nephew Rodney King. I began my Friday with a wrestling practice where one of my coaches asked me a profound question that really dug at the core of me. “Gary, […]

10 Things Making Week 10 Gooderer? Yeah that’s a word.

1. This guy and his face. I believe he goes by Connor Cummings, or Nalthar the Destroyer. I’m thankful his gang of mercenaries protect me when I have to pick up eggs from the store, or when I go venture to see my friends in the “forbidden zone”. Got nothin’ but love for my crew […]

I watched a Life Alert advertisement and it has nothing to do with this

I want to talk about something very near and dear to my heart. Well, whatever “heart” there is or emotions that I have. I read in Stalin Weekly that suppressing emotions is entirely normal and healthy. One day I’ll have mustache’s on my chest and brush my teeth with Pennzoil and barbwire. One day.            OH! […]

Teddy Roosevelt: God’s Mansterpiece

    President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt is one of those men that deserves his own hall of fame. His mustache was envied by the Chinese because it was smoother than any silk they could export. The only thing that could shave his facial hair is Wolverine’s claws, if Teddy allows it. This man was a […]

It’s not Heaven, It’s Iowa

A few Saturdays ago I had the great fortune of visiting the University of Iowa to watch a dual meet between Iowa and Iowa State. Our wrestling team received decently priced tickets courtesy of coach Juergens, allowing us a chance to witness a pretty sweet event. We started our journey in a van to the faraway land […]

Augustana People: Bo Goshorn, A Life of Being Awesome

At Augustana I have met quite a great many of fantastic people, I intend to write about them with their permission. Bo Goshorn was being massive one day and I said, “what is a good subject to write about?” Bo said, “the plight of the American school system” I heard, “BO GOSHORN AND THE TECHNICOLOR […]